We’ve heard some drastic stories about people that choose to blog about pretty serious events. However, one 25-year-old cancer patient has made the controversial decision to chronicle his failing health and death.

Dmitrij Panov started a blog back in February. His first entry started off with a shocking confession:

“Hello, my name is Dmitrij Panov and I’m going to die soon. It may sound strange, but that’s how it is.”

Photo credit: Dmitrij Panov

Panov’s health has been in jeopardy since 2011. Suffering from severe back pain and nausea, Panov struggled to get a medical diagnosis for his issues. In December of 2011, he was finally given an answer. Panov was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. He began a intense treatment program of chemotherapy and surgery.

The young college student took it easy and recovered by watching movies, hanging with friends and blogging about the whole ordeal.

Photo credit: Dmitrij Panov

“In days following the surgery, I learned about the advantages of strong anaesthetics (the visions!) and a catheter (going to the loo is for commoners). After ten days, I crawled back out into the world. Then I had radiation and chemo—and all was well for the next few years. It would have been nice if that was where this story ended.”

Fast forward to April 2015, this was the month he was planned to be declared cancer free. However, doctors discovered the cancer had returned and this time it had metastasized into his spinal fluid. It was then that Panov realized that it was only a matter of time until the cancer took his life. It was in that moment that Panov decided to start his blog, “Dying With Swag.”

Photo credit: Dmitrij Panov

“Slowly, the feeling that I’ll never get out of this clinic is getting stronger. It’s likely that it’ll get worse. Do I accept that? Not yet. It’s so annoying that the doctors always make you wait for them. I have pain in my back, my legs, the pain in my arse keeps coming back; the IV keeps dripping. It could be worse. I don’t want to think about what I’ll do when it is.”
(April 29, 2016)

The young cancer patient writes regularly on his blog and talks a lot his opinion on his inevitable death.

Photo credit: Dmitrij Panov

“Last time, I wrote that I’m not really afraid of dying. Maybe I should have said that I’m not really afraid of being dead. When you’re dying, there’s still some life in you and sometimes I think that I’m afraid of life.”
(May 11, 2016)

After a short stay at a treatment facility, he was able to move back home to stay comfortable. When the time comes and Panov passes away, his roommate and best friend will publish his final blog post.

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